Nanny McME

Lately, I spell luxury: S-L-E-E-P.


By-the-book nanny

I was "prematurely" introduced to full-swing nanny hood about two weeks ago, when my sister finally arrived home with her little bundle of joy (draining all her energies for 9 hours full of labor pains, ending with a slice in the belly, when all labor inducing drugs seemed to immune her). I couldn't exactly say I've prepared for his coming well enough, yet I did ready myself just the same. As they say, you'll never know how it is like until you get to spend your first day (or night) with the baby.

She being a first-time mother, my sister is grappling with parenthood big time. I being her big sister, had to most of the time pretend that I'm not even half as stressed as she is with baby-sitting; and avoid ending up baby-sitting both mother and son. I may deceivingly look like a mom with my cellulites screaming all over me (shamefully), but frankly, I am totally clueless with baby care. We needed truckloads of parenting inputs to grab.


We're quite fortunate to have relatives -- traditional and modern, to rescue two helpless fledglings. My cousins wasted no time at all in delivering their hand-me-downs to my sister. However, what I consider the best among these hand-me-downs is this hardbound handbook of pregnancy and baby care by Good Housekeeping (GH). One cousin lent it to my sister when she was still in her first trimester of pregnancy, and it has been really helpful ever since. We now turn to it as our baby bible. Although what we have is the first edition (I searched away Amazon.com and discovered that GH has come up with a paperback edition, which makes it literally handy), the principles of nurturing are of course, universal. I especially found the color photographs most practical. I'd secretly consult this book whenever my sister is occupied with other things (I had to pretend I'm no dummy, remember?).


"Tita-Yaya"

Half-way through my very disheartening (almost 3-foot high) laundry, I paused for a minute and yelled at my cousin (who was at the bathroom at that time), "Waaahh!!! This is not me!!! I want my old me baaaaack!!!"

These two weeks saw major, MAJOR changes in my routines. I've been reporting late for work for 7 days straight to date (late, to mean 20-30 minutes late). I spend four hours at most for laundry chores - which my sister usually does for the two of us every single week. I no longer check the Internet for cable programs to look forward to in the evenings. I haven't come home late from the mall like I used to (although this is not a regular habit) as of yet. My business nowadays is to catch up on sleep while I can, master the 101 techniques of diaper-changing, help out on pinning pediatrician and vaccine appointments, cheer on Sherwyn (our baby!) as he feeds on his mommy's milk.

Wait up. I am the aunt, not the mother. But look at me. I overreact way more than Sherwyn's mom. How much more if it were my own baby? Push me to the door now and shoo me off.

Don't get me wrong. This is all new to me, yes, yet I do welcome these changes embracingly. I perceive it as my pre-parenting dry run. I now enjoy cuddling a newborn, whereas before I was really, really scared of cuddling a fragile baby. I still panic whenever I change his diapers (he might pee again when I'm still not done changing him), but maybe in a few weeks' time I'll do just fine.

Having to take care of this bundle could be so, so exhausting. And yet when I'm in the brink of complaining, he would smile with his eyes shut close and the weariness just magically goes away.

Acknowledging

One of the recurring characters in this blog has been my ordeal with graduate school. I promised myself lately that I won't keep my paper locked away too long in my procrastination chest anymore, as I did in the past. Well, roll the drums for me. After nearly 7 years, I now hold a Master of Library and Information Science degree. FINALLY!

I couldn't have done it all by myself, of course (sidebar: for my research, I developed a thesaurus on gender and sexual and reproductive health and rights for use of local NGO resource centers in Metro Manila). There were so many people to thank for and give credits to. This was my acknowledgment page (let me bore you for 3 minutes):

Being an esteemed member of the elite scatterbrained society, I consider this portion here the most challenging page I have ever written so far; even tougher than putting this thesaurus together and writing five chapters of this paper. This early, I am begging for pardon from those whose names could be unintentionally left out mentioning, but do not necessarily go unacknowledged. You know who you are and I am indebted to you all.

I thank my respondents for taking my research seriously and have made it all possible for me to get through graduate school: Dr. FLORENCE TADIAR and the STAFF of ISSA for this research opportunity; Ms. AIDA ARACAP of DOH Library; Mr. ROBERT ROMERO of NCRFW Resource Center; Mss. EMILYNE DE VERA and NOEMI BAYONETA-LEIS of HAIN Resource Center; Mss. GIGI FRANCISCO, SUSAN ALBAO, REMY GAMBOA and ANA DINGLASAN of WAGI; Ms. TEENA CAMPOS of WCC; Dr. CAROL SOBRITCHEA, Mss. DHANG SIOSON and ARDIS GONZALES of UPCWS; and Ms. LEONNIE DELA CRUZ of UPCSWCD Library. I also thank Ms. ROWENA O. ALVAREZ for sharing her expertise with me.

And to Binsent, for recommending these highly efficient people to me.

My sincerest appreciation goes out to my adviser, DEAN ROSALIE B. FADERON, for believing that I can write good stuff. I thank you for being my perpetual referee. I count myself blessed to have been mentored by you.

SIR ROD TARLIT, for putting invisible pressure on my shoulders. I thank you so much for that huge motivation for me to finish this paper.

And to Binsent, for the added push.

Mrs. AFRICA CASTILLO, for her hawk-like eyes. Thank you so much for reading my paper, never minding our geography. I am grateful for your time.

To the ILIS ADMIN STAFF, for not banging the phones and doors on me whenever I pay them "purposive" visits. Thank you so much.

Likewise, for Binsent's incredible, incredible patience.

The ILIS LIBRARY STAFF, for the extraordinary help for my extraordinary requests, maraming salamat po.

The late DEAN JOSEPHINE C. SISON, it was always refreshing to capture memories of your quips and smiles. Thank you for letting me experience all of those.

And to Binsent, for his occasional one-liners, sending me off to frantic laughter.

The VL.IR, for taking me to Europe and to my STIMULATE 4 professors and classmates, thank you. SAHDIA KHAN, the most patient program secretary there is, thank you for always keeping our lines burning.

PROF. ALAN HOPKINSON of Middlesex University (London), for his faith in the Filipino scholars.

Mrs. FLOR MALLARI, to me you are the perfect reference librarian. Your professionalism is worth emulating. I am humbled by your confidence in me. Thank you.

Mrs. SALVACION ARLANTE, you inspire me of your big dreams to revolutionize the field. Thank so much for allowing me to think out of the box.

I also thank Binsent for making sure that I not only excel in my career, but also in perfecting my sinigang na baboy.

Many thanks to the entire UPD MAINLIB PEOPLE: My fellow "athletes" at the stroke of 8 in the morning (hehehe); to my GENREF family, thank you so much. I have always been proud of our teamwork; to all my Ate at the ACQUISITIONS SECTION for keeping my stomach full; all my Kuya at the MEDIA SERVICES for keeping the Section up and running; the ladies of the L.O. -- ATE GILDA, ATE MYLENE, ATE VANGIE and ATE MARLENE, for the on-the-house peanut butter sandwiches; and ATE GAY, for her special treatment...Salamat sa inyong lahat.

To the "superninangs": DENISE, YANI, EMANG (gracias tia, for correcting my barok Spanish each time), ATE ELVIE, KLIT and GRACE T. Thanks to GENE and CHITO for accommodating the superninangs. I owe you people.

To ANDO, MARCKY, LEA, AL, and the rest of the PINOYS IN BELGIUM (PSB), thank you for the rice meals and the motherland feel. I also thank ALICIA and MARJ for our friendship made in Sunday flea markets.

Para mis dos mejores amigos del otro lado del mundo -- el Cubano ORLANDO y el Chileno MANUEL, mil gracias por haciendo mi vida en Europa una aventura cada dia. Si me iria por detras, lo hare todos otra vez con vosotros. Os echo de menos, ambos. I will see you two again.

And of course to Binsent, for putting up with all my ramblings. Thank you.

To RICHARD, for the friendship behind the CD collection.

To KRAM, for making me his Ate Christine.

The ABRIGO HOUSEHOLD, thank you for adopting me as one of your own. I thank your big brother Binsent for keeping the coffee jar packed to the brim for me.

My brothers and sisters at the METRO MANILA CHRISTIAN CHURCH (MMCC), for making me see and experience the love of God. You are all precious to me. My heart goes out to every single one of you.

LORNA, for her motherly instincts. You will always be engraved in my heart.

NIMFA and IRENE, we are now walking in the quarter life of our friendship. You are both amazing.

To my COUSINS and PAMANGKINS, I always look forward to our Sunday luncheons. You all make me smile.

To AUNT JAZ for being my surrogate mother.

PAPA, SHERYL and our little SHERWYN, you three inspire me to grow up everyday. I love you guys.

MAMA, I am invincible because of your still presence.

BINSENT. We repel yet we connect. You are so everywhere, everyday, every time. Thank you for being so everywhere, everyday, every time.

Above all, I am overflowing with gratefulness to my FATHER GOD in heaven. No amount of words can ever begin to describe Your perfection. You are awesome. I bring You back all the glory. I love you.

Moonlighting

I imagine fewer sunny days, golden-yellow leaves a falling, perfect hot cups of coffee, and Paris glowing in the night.

My eyes, my thoughts, my heart, they penetrate through the dividing mirror. Catch your aroma, I could. I long to experience the warmth of your biting cold.

Let me, would you please.

Yet again.

Yet again.

Coming to grips

Just when I thought that I was the only one gasping for air, along came friends who are just as desperate as I am to finish off graduate school. If only to claim relief in knowing that someone else is pressing in on the same boat, I'd be my own guest to suck it all up.

Well yes, I've been working on my paper for more than a year now. I've capitalized on procrastination far more than anything I have ever imagined myself am capable of being. Truth be told, I’m tired of just longing. I want to graduate and do something else, other than this. I even struck a bargain with my officemates (their next carbonara will be on me), again if only to stimulate my already growing low self-motivation.

I have other things in mind after graduate school. For one, my interest to pursue European languages has already caught up with my paper! I'm done with one quarter of mis clases Españolas, and so far, it has been good.

In the words of my thesis adviser, "...okay, but don't let it stay with you too long."

Believe me this time, I won't keep it stale.

Counting screws

"Isa lang ang hiniling 'ko sa kanila: ang karapatan 'kong madapa at bumangon sa buhay nang walang tatawa, magagalit, magtatanong o magbibilang kung ilang beses na akong nagkamali at ilang ulit ako dapat bumawi."

-- A B N K K B S N P L Ko?!
Mga Kwentong Chalk ni Bob Ong. ©2001.

bonito!

ANG GALING!!! Sony Ericsson + Cybershot in 1! Awesome.

Nostalgic

The gentle air of rain
reminiscent tunes refraining not;
tending intangible keepsakes

and then...

Goodbyes.

That I missed

I have no idea how the grapevine twined here at work yesterday, because since I came in to my "bat cave" this morning, I've been picking up somewhat exaggerated, way out of proportional responses from people around me.

"How's your back? Does it still hurt?"

"Hey, are you any better?"

"I suggest you go and have your spine checked."

"How are you?" (with matching soft pat on the shoulder)

Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate their concern. It's just that I find it a bit odd, as I don't usually get such remarks from people I don't relate to personally. They sounded like I was near-death yesterday.

Unbeknownst to them, it's the chicken sisig delivered for lunch yesterday that is still making me go tsk tsk today. Argh! I missed that. That, and the two cups of rice that goes perfectly well along with it. Yesterday's lunch will never be the same as today's. Hehehe.

Siempre = Always

SIEMPRE
de Pablo Neruda

Antes de mi
no tengo celos.

Ven con un hombre
a la espalda,
ven con cien hombres en tu cabellera,
ven con mil hombres entre tu pecho y tus pies,
ven como un rio

lleno de ahogados
que encuentra el mar furioso,
la espuma eterna, el tiempo!

Traelos todos
adonde yo te espero:
siempre estaremos solos,
siempre estaremos tu y yo
solos sobre la tierra
para comenzar la vida!

ALWAYS

I am not jealous
of what came before me.

Come with a man
on your shoulders,
come with a hundred men in your hair,
come with a thousand men between your breasts and your feet,
come like a river
full of drowned men
which flows down to the wild sea,
to the eternal surf, to Time!

Bring them all
to where I am waiting for you;
we shall always be alone,
we shall always be you and I
alone on earth
to start our life!

Looking forward to a groovy weekend!

They're from the Kuzco Academy

While we're on the subject of Disney channel movies...

Finally, after six long years since Kuzco rocked my animated world, Disney Channel Asia is premiering tomorrow night a new cartoon series called The Emperor's New School. That will be more of Kuzcotopia and Yzmania for me. Yey! :-p

The Channel's marking the event with a Kuzco marathon (Emperor's New Groove, Emperor's New School, Kronk's New Groove). Therefore my friends, my weekend is solved. Oh, yeah. So solved. Hehehe ;-p

[I'm a certified Disney addict, in case you STILL didn't get the picture]

Like a doormat for diversions

Remarkably, my diversions to alleviate stress turned out to be a combination of an overdose of Disney channel movies, and a quarter-pack of Spanish lessons.

Yes it's trivial. But I must say that these have afforded me instantaneous cure. I would liken the sensation to platelets rushing steadily to rehabilitate a laceration ripping out in progress. For a temporary antidote, these diversions happened right on time, just as the doormat was about to be delivered to the sickbay.

Diversions -- or simply put, distractions -- offered me temporary relief. Memorizing lines from Disney movies by heart while looking forward to speaking conversational Spanish in three months' time have become my culture for the past couple of weeks. In a way, it's therapeutic. Really.

Am I making sense here?! Creo que si..

Raising adults

The past week was a long one for me -- literally and figuratively. Up to now, I'm still undergoing physical and emotional self-medication.

I had to grow up five hundred times faster than normal pace in order to raise adults in five days. I needed to be a parent, a sister, a friend, a counselor, a therapist, a damage controller, a spongebob, the bearer of disturbing news...and then be myself again whenever I go to bed every night ever since. Heaven knows just how much I would long for each day to end and couldn't wait to reward myself with restful sleep. Superheroship is one exhausting business indeed, but my hands are tied. I still have to wake up every morning and rise up to all the occasions confronting me.

And for the nth time, I have to force myself to mature.

Cruel irony

After seven years of being greeted by hefty shelves of books here in the library, I would at times find it inevitable to fall back on these resources for self-help. As if, all of life's answers to man's problems are confined in this four-cornered hall. I need not go far off. It's all in here, right where I get paid every week. Although I know it's absurd to ever think that books (collectively speaking) will solve my psychotic tendencies, I continue to suck up to this self-deception nevertheless.

There are moments when I just find myself unconsciously looking up at the dictionary to translate my sentiments (argh! and I won't stop until I find the right word for it). Or search away in the catalog database the handbook that would give me the appropriate remedy to my forebodings.

Like, now.

What is "disappointed" in Tagalog?

What is more intense than the word "pain"? (There's got to be. There has to be!)

Is there a complete idiot's guide to numbed out idiots?

Input search expression: materials on "how to summon split personalities and be at best in all or both" = 0 entries...why zero?!?!

I'm desperate for answers, but books don't have them. This is what makes it totally inanimate.

Welcoming the rain

Summer has come and gone by so swiftly, it left me with so little time to spill over my whereabouts during the season. It would've been really easy to put the blame on the discomforts brought about by the sweltering heat (try 37 degrees Celsius), but truth be told, I just didn't feel the kick to write down something. Not that I felt obligated to say anything (if only for the sake of adding in another post up here). I knew I had a lot to let out, yet still gave in to lethargy.

It's been raining since last week, but it was not until two nights ago when my restlessness for howling stormy winds and heavy rains resurrected within my system. My anxiety over typhoons more often graduates into an unreasonable overreaction -- I'd stay wide awake whenever there's a downpour at night and walk around inspecting practically everything in the house. Somehow, I have this stubborn involuntary muscle that twitches automatically at the onset of rain. Silly, huh?

Along with the coming of the rain are the people populating the bookstores hoarding off school supplies for their ward. Schools are to open their gates three (others, four) weeks from now, so until then, unless you are in dire need of pen refills, better stay out of the book/school supplies' shops. I waited in line for almost 20 minutes just to have my pen refill billed. It would've been too easy for me to pocket in my "purchase", get out of the line and no one (even the person next to me) would ever notice my evil deed. Of course I wasn't even half-crazy to give into it, but I admit the thought kept me up amused for a while ;-)

Despite these, I still welcome the rain. And just like in previous years, I know I can live with my anxieties. I've earned enough coping mechanisms to last me a lifetime of typhoons.

A heap of burning coals

I feel awfully sad for some people who think that key job positions entitle them to instant lordship and pharaoh pedestals. I spill pity over the same people who are just as deceived into thinking that just because they're given crowns of glory, they MUST (emphasis on that) be favored with immune royalty.

Thankfully, I never saw nor treated headship that way. I pay the highest esteem for individuals who have made it to the top, but with the praises never bloating up their heads. My deepest respects are for the handful pick of supervisors who do not cling arrogantly onto their titles but instead, continues to busy themselves up into becoming a team player.

The pride of being able to brag and exercise the power of control over your subordinates is of course, tempting. The thing is, if you're not careful enough and fall for this, you will end up having enemies and really mean detractors. Or worse, that very title that you so treasure greedily could be taken away from you. That's not a pretty mirror to face when that happens.

And if that happens (because it happens all the time), what would that experience make of you? Would you just sulk and wallow? Would you take it bitterly and stop there? Would you loathe and get back hard on your minions?

OR...

Would you treat that "unpleasant experience" as a heap of burning coals on your head? Would you instead focus on working hard on your people skills and start all over again to earn your co-workers' respect once more?

It's your card, Miss.

Over a month ago, I was given a huge responsibility at work. Our head librarian probably thought that I'm a big girl now and clever enough to handle a department of my own. I'd be a liar if I say I never wanted the post (AV librarian), but to be honest, handling a department in the university library of the University of the Philippines magnets a lot of pressure to a greenhorn supervisor. Nevertheless, I humbly took the job (as if I had a choice) and decided to work harmoniously with my team (that was my choice). No, I will never be an egotistical, bigheaded, demeaning boss. I will work real hard to earn my staff's respect.

Rehydrated

The first sign of summer in the Philippines: rain. You'll know that summer is here when the rain showers over your head when you least expect it. Or better yet, when you most need it. It ceases when you've had enough water for tilling the soil.

I'm fine now. Just a little haggard from lack of sleep, but a lot better.

To you, who always listens and pushes the quiet button to inject sense:

THANKS. YOU ARE MY GEM.

To you, who offered to punch her/him -- except that her, happens to be me:

MIL GRACIAS.

To you, who said I should wear a bikini for summer and thinks I'm sexy (iiiwww!) with it on:
MIL GRACIAS.

To you, who encouraged me to get back to my joy:

THANKS. I FELT YOUR HUGS FROM AFAR.

To You, who brings down the rain at the right time, always:
SALAMAT PO.

I am mine.

Sometimes I think I don't know myself anymore. Lately, I've been having stressful times at making decisions among things that in my heart I want to do versus the conventions put forth by circumstances. I knew I'm done and over with fickle-mindedness, but how come I feel half-convinced, half-regretful after putting my foot down every time? Somehow, there's this bitter aftertaste and I couldn't get over with it. It bites and I know that if don't take action, it will devour my entire being down to my last toenail.

Maybe what's killing me more is that judgmental look piercing through me whenever I say "No." and everyone else says "Yes." It would backfire to me, just as casual as one would normally walk in the room by the main door. It gives me the impression that I'm missing out on a lot, when in truth, it's not really a matter of life and death. It sears too much, it jerks me off into compromising. It just sucks.

I'm seeing the consequences of my uncertainties. I've become more and more insecure and it's robbing me of my joy.

I need to get my joy back. It's mine to share.

Throw off the throttles

A classic piece of advice such as the "letting (it) go theory" was once again reincarnated to me by last night's episode of Aircrash Investigation (a National Geographic special). It was about an elite Russian pilot who treats his 15 year old son to a surprise cockpit trip that eventually throttled into the airline's doom (read an account of the events here). The investigation revealed that aircraft error was not the principal cause of the crash (thus, saving Airbus' fate). It merely posed as an effect of the pilots' scarce proficiency of the A310. The immediate reflex was to take control of the plane and save all 75 lives from this fatal demise. However, that bold intention was not able to fulfill its noble purpose.

The solution was very simple. The pilots just have to let go of the maneuver and let the autopilot do the noble purpose for which it was built for.

Now that has a very huge point. How difficult could an easy gesture really be?

Indeed, it is our basic instinct to take on our best controls in order to save ourselves from life's catastrophes. And then just when everything has taken its toll, we wouldn't let go; for fear that if we do, that would be the end of it all.

Letting go is not equal to defeat. Letting go is holding on to what is divine. Letting go is a leap of faith.

That grand design called serendipity

What happens when the south pole cross paths with the north? Will they ever?
Who whispered proximity to time?
How come five years seem equal to zero?

We sometimes miss it even when it hits us between the eyes. Why?

Things fall into place like ice cream scoops is to sugar cones. One is called from the other end of the galaxy in order to traverse an orbit parallel to the other. It's a riddle sometimes difficult to entangle, but in the end, still you can.

Why?

It just happens. Come away and let us navigate together.

Mistaken identity

I remember while on summer camp a few years back, I walked into some friends flocked together playing Boggle and then when I tried butting in if I can join them, one of them said, "Naku, talo na agad tayo nyan. E librarian 'yan, laging kasama mga libro. Malawak ang bokabularyo nyan!" [We’re instant losers. she's a librarian, always surrounded with books. just imagine her vocabulary] I chuckled in shock at this reaction and said, "Do I really make that 'walking encyclopedia' impression?!"

Truth be told, I'd rather rub crayons onto coloring books than read my prep texts when I was a kid. I'd fancy colorful stuffs (picture books, fun comics, etc.) than read perfectly-printed monographs during my teens. I think the closest thing I read next to thick paperbacks was Sweet Valley Twins. My parents practically left me to do what I want to do (so long as they don't see failing marks to my name) and nibbling books was never in my list. Now this has become one of my biggest regrets (besides wearing ripped jeans). It was only in college when I started leafing through "real books" and even now that I'm a librarian, I'm just beginning to curb a career of becoming a voracious reader.

There. I'm no competition to word game addicts. But I know I can still fool people into thinking that I am, so for them, I think am going to live with that impression for a while.

All grown up

Once upon a time, we were just college classmates each taking part in a phone brigade -- happening during the wee hours of the morning -- consulting each other whether or not we got our 3"x5" card margins right for our cataloging class.

This morning, I sat with one of them who were once part of that disturbing phone brigade. This time around, we were classmates no more but two colleagues discussing about a major digitization project for the library where we both serve.


-o0o-


I never failed catching up on her daily dose of kilig moments about her object/s of affection (a.k.a. crush/es) whenever we ran into each other every single school day.

A couple of months back, I sent her an e-mail inquiring if her network could possibly donate media materials for my library. She said I needed to write to her superiors and promised to back me up if and when I needed one.


-o0o-


They used to spoil my lazy Sunday afternoons by playing arbiter to their cat quarrels (I repeatedly thought that the two of them were miserable disasters put together).

I am now the godmother of their first-born and she's about to deliver their second. Yes, these two "disasters" ended up together.


-o0o-


I sent her to school and I've lost count as to how many times I nagged her into cutting off from too much partying. I was her version of Cruella de Vil.

She treated me out to fine-dining this noon. And that was not the first time.



We've all grown up, see.

A spoiler excused

The San Miguel Philharmonic Orchestra and
The San Miguel Master Chorale at the Shang.

I received an email alert from one of my e-group thread early Saturday morning about SMPO and SMMC's free concert at the Shangri-La mall slated for that evening, and out of mad excitement (live orchestral music for FREE!!!), I wasted no time in tagging Vincent along with me into scurrying up there after work (am on Saturday duty since dinosaurs first roamed the earth, yes). I had no idea that that was exactly what he had in mind for days. I didn't mean to spoil his surprise and consequently, beating him to it :-)

The concert was FANTASTIC! I usually complain about -- next to involuntary starvation -- having to be up on my heels for just a little over 30 minutes, but that night, I never once grumbled during the show. I haven't even noticed time passing, enduring two full hours of being stationary and almost motionless. Before the first score was flailed, my "hyperactivity" started kicking in as I just couldn't help being so, so thrilled (my companion had to actually force me to stay put and shushed me several times that night)...I was back to my normal self immediately after the show. No, I'm not exaggerating.

The music was soothing, tuning into it was like falling into a trance. It's all worth the numbed out legs... And his patience, too. *wink* Thank you, dearest.

Clueless

My proclamation is that I am not at the least bit interested. And yet much of what's behind that edict would reveal another side that presents another universe of interest.

Unknown to him, my baffled heart leaps a million miles.

Antonio's spell

Been enchanted by Vivaldi since mid-last week and loving it ever since. It's been a long time since I last plugged into classical music, and I figured Vivaldi's was exactly the calming therapy that I needed for the remainder of my semester.

I was just too excited to lay back and read my unfinished leisure book whilst into Vivaldi; but I ended up slamming the book down, closing my eyes and then permitted myself to drown into his beautiful scores. Thanks to him still planted in my ears, I was able to clean up for the next two days what used to be my office desk of four years (and will raid another officemate's desk for that matter) in a jiffy. Jeez, was I too captivated or what?

I think I've grown addicted to him now. I couldn't concentrate writing (my thesis) and couldn't turn him off just the same. Antonio's spell's getting into me again...close your eyes...put your notes down...

Los echo de menos...tanto

I know I suck at Spanish, but I care not. I miss them.

Image hosted by Microsoft Encarta

Her tranquil spirit

I seem to have let slip days such as this just like your regular January Saturdays. Regretfully, for many years now, it has just become a mental note and nothing more. How can I be so ephemeral about something that's so perpetual?

She's invincible as if she can take on the whole world whenever I am around her. She can blend her authoritativeness with a stroke of gentleness that is so distinctly hers. She laughs like Jurassic Park was the funniest movie she's ever caught on T.V.

I am the product of her devotion. I take after her resilience. I am invincible because of her still presence.

If the shoe fits, then wear it

It is not like my fate has been sealed in its entirety. I just happen to reach another fork in my road.

Sure, Charles Darwin was right about the evolution; that those who are the most responsive to change are the ones that survive, and not the strongest nor the most intelligent of the species. I still hold on to this fact (yes, it is factual to me), though...and there goes my fork lying ahead of me.

Sure, I will adapt. But I would most definitely want to shun the clinging arrogance. Come on, girl. Let go of that shoe. Shake it off and let it retire. You have got a bigger shoe waiting to fill in.

It used to be simple

As told by a 10-year-old lad in love:

"Love is not just about saying words..."
"Love is making that grand leap..."
"Love is going an extra mile, even when it hurts..."

In truth, I was never a fan of romantic tales (some close friends even think I lack love potion in my veins). I would cringe and squirm at its mushy sensation/effect on me. But when kids talk of "making that grand leap" in love, that is when romance woos my heart. If and only if for this reason alone, I can afford to be mushy.

I guess the subject on love evolves as one grows old and gains full access to its sweetness and bitterness over time. Once upon a time, it used to be so simple. For kids, there are no buts. Everything is absolute (absolutely yes or no). No reservations, whatsoever. On the other hand, for adults, love begins to come in degree/s. What was once deemed uncomplicated somehow cultivated complexities along the way. Consequently, loving has become conditional. And unconditional love does not come easy nowadays.

Luckily, it is never too late to have a child-like heart in love. You can always make that rebound and be a child again.

Wow. That was me talking.

Fleeting by...

While I was typing my work away, a wistful thought caught five seconds of my monotony as it cruises along swiftly by. For the first time, I consented the thought and finally, broke into an approving smile.

Minutes have passed and yet the persistent smile on my face refuses to go away still.

I am on cloud 9.

TagLish: some lessons learned

We Filipinos are so used to speaking "hybrid" Tagalog almost everyday of our lives that we unconsciously let pass grammatical rules. I mean, it is bound to be grammar insensitive (sinasabotahe na nga natin ang dalawang wika e), but lately, I have become mindful about this; at least at my own perusal. Been guilty of murdering two languages simultaneously. I figured that maybe, I can correct word agreement/s in TagLish.

[DISCLAIMER: I am not being prescriptive here. I maybe wrong somewhere but as far as I am concerned, these observations have earned me positive effects. Mine are just suggestions.]

Talking from experience (of a convicted murderer of Tagalog and English), I learned that should you combine a Tagalog superlative with an English noun/verb/adjective, you should want to retain the base form (i.e., root word) of the English word. For instance, instead of saying "pinaka-latest" (i.e., latest), you might want to use "pinaka-late". Or when using Tagalog in comparative form, retaining the English root word wouldn't be ear-grating. For example, "mas clear" (i.e., more clear) instead of "mas clearer".

Another thing is using Tagalog prefixes along with English verb tense/s (past, present, future). I suppose retaining the present tense of the English verb would be the best option when combined with a Tagalog prefix. Such as "na-overhear" (i.e., overheard) in place of "na-overheard". The former sounds better that way. The same rule applies to suffixes. We are more comfortable with "attend-an" (i.e., had attended) and we do not use "attended-an" for that matter.

Bottom line is: whatever Tagalog prefix/suffix you append, the base form of the English word stays as it is.

So much for grammar talk.

I count my blessings

Growing up wouldn't be a million times as much fun without these important ladies in my life. To them I would credit a huge chunk of which I was and what I have become today. If it weren't for these gals, I wouldn't have any reason at all to put a big smile on my face whenever I look back at my childhood and puberty years. My life would never be the same!

I've been meaning to write about my personal who's who but haven't had the chance to do so, until now. And since it's the start of a brand new year (and at New Year, the timing revolves around the themes of new beginnings, gratefulness, etc.), I figured that now is the best time to write about them.

The three of us share a colorful childhood together in UP. I first met Nimfa one nap-time afternoon (Like most average kids with parents scolding their children to siesta after lunch, yes, I too would sneak out of my hawk-eyed mom just when I'm really sure she's dropped into her peaceful afternoon slumber. He-he-he) and played lutu-lutuan (Pretend-play cooking. I still do that in a real kitchen by the way) for the first time. We've become enduring best friends ever since. We've been through crests and troughs together. Even though we don't see each other now quite as often as before, we're both secure about our friendship. Whenever we see/speak to each other, however seldom it may be, we still connect! We still finish each other's sentences. And hey, we've been friends for almost 25 years now (There, there. Now you can guess how young I am *wink wink*)!

We (Nimfa and I) met Irene I think about a year later. I'm not quite sure how I met her (Irene, sweetie, if ever you see this post, please help refresh my memory), but the only recollection I ever have of meeting her for the first time was that she and Nimfa were classmates in school. And oh yes, she was definitely a part of the siesta sneak-outs. That would make the three of us at that time (smiles). We'd laze around a monkey bar (we called it the 'gymnastics') not too far from our homes, revealed each other's secrets there and dreamt together. We've harbored our friendship roots way too deep. This girl’s a one tough cookie. I personally think that of us three, she was the one who really went through with a lot...and survived. With that, I admire her for her determination.

We may be living our own separate lives now (Nimfa is happily married and a fulfilled mother to a 5-year old smart boy, while Irene is based in Manhattan, NY finishing her studies), but we sure agree on one thing: that no matter where we are and where life would take us, we'll be the best of friends.

Love you, guys.

Getting cold feet

Literally.

Temperature out here has gone down remarkably over the past couple of days. Considered cold for a tropic bred. Been wearing my toe socks (Manuel calls them the funny socks, but Vincent thinks they're scary, especially when I wiggle my toes! Ha-ha-ha!!!) to sleep lately. I own three pairs but among those, this is the pair that I seldom put on. Unlike the other two, this one's lengthier (way up knee-high) and warmer. Built for winter (I used to wear this stuff back in Belgium). Guess these socks will be at work until the next month or so.

Looking at a brand new haircut

I believe by this time, most adults "in touch with their inner souls" may have already done some reflecting about their own version of life in 2005, eventually arriving at a handful take of resolutions to their name. Vows that are either noted down mentally and then sincerely tacked on the corkboard; or scribbled in water. 8 days into 2006 and I'm just starting to look back.

[Sidebar: I'm not aspiring to become a drama queen here, but the succeeding sections of this post may sound melodramatic as I go. No big deal. Just a fair warning.]

2005 had been a very challenging year for me. A tough one at that, really. I was confronted with a battery of struggles that not just once put my convictions to the test. Many times I tried hard to beg off wrestling, but then again in the end, I had no other choice but to face the music that these challenges play. It's not easy to play along, especially when the rules get thorny. Fortunately, I somehow managed to get by and well, here I am. Still alive and blogging :)

Although I've had my share of regrets, looking back now I realized that there will always be one or two scraps left that are worth the taking. If there were only three things I'd value about last year, that would probably be one of them. Possessing such misgivings inspired me to reinstate within me the importance of forgiving oneself (which is by far, one of the hardest things for me to do), and then when equipped with penitence, change for the better...Easier said than done, huh? But like what I've said, it's worth my two cents.

Above all, I am grateful for EVERYTHING -- every single thing that has come about in my life last year. Despite my shortcomings, God has blessed me just the same. Incredible relationships tied, witnessing my loved ones' dreams materializing, my academic drive (go graduate school!), my bedroom renovated (about time!), learning how to cook leche flan...I can go on and on. Basta. I am just thankful for all of these.

I don't know what's in store for me this year. I've got my partial list of personal goals but am not posting it here (hehehe). For the meantime, I'm sporting a new haircut. That's a good "head" start.